Do I need to learn to read music?

This is THE most asked question I get. There are other forms of this question such as, do I need to take lessons? Do I need to go to Julliard? Do I need to pay $66,000 for a decent guitar? Do I need to get a boob job to get noticed or should I just learn to play with my teeth or light my guitar on fire? Do I have to practice scales? Should learn ‘Modes”?…you get the picture.